First and and foremost...I AM NOT PREGNANT!!! Nor am I throwing in the towel. I had one of the best runs tonight, and it had nothing to do with my pace, the weather (although that was AMAZING), how awesome I looked, or how far I went. It was a simple 5 miles at nearly a 15 minute pace, but it was wonderful.
The last few weeks I have been trying to figure out ways to move faster as I go forward with this process. Running a quick ten, walking 1, pushing hard during my short runs, hydrating, eating, mind games, new shoes, you name it I have tried it. Tonight I just ran. My hip has really started to bother me the last two weeks. Up until this point the only "pain" I have felt was my knee. That had nothing to do with my training. I over pronate and a new shoe fixed my ailments. My hip was another story. I began to worry (still am a tiny bit concerned, but not too much) that I had a real injury. I did some research and stretched my IT bands, problem solved. I ran yesterday pushing every mile and in the end I shorted the run and immediately my hip began to hurt. I had to stop listening to my ego and start listening to my body. She is politely saying, "Can you please slow down?"
Now I run a 13-13:30 mile. If I slow down too much it will be in time to watch the sun rise the day after the race. When I push I shave it down to 11-11:30, but my body is sending me a message. She isn't ready to do it my way, she has to do it in hers. The average woman births a baby in 8-12 hrs. My first bundle took nearly 31, my second slightly over 24. When my body does marathon duty she does it slowly, but in the end sweet success.
My Nike plus has tracked my steps since 2007. When I see the old me starring me in the face my 13:30 twists in my gut. Tonight I had a realization. I don't ever want to be the person I was in 2007 again. The last 4 years have allowed me to grow and change into a person I am so proud to be. As each year passes I learn more, do more, love more, live more. In 2007 I was in the gym 5 days a week. Now I spend my free time blowing bubbles at the park, swinging "HIGH IN THE SKY MOMMY", kissing boo boos, bouncing at Monkey Joe's, and listening to Sammy the Seal 100x's before lunch. I don't want those 5 minutes back. I wouldn't trade what I have now to go back in time, so stop obsessing.
I have struggled all my life, like most woman, with self worth, self esteem, and confidence. I had an blazing red Afro, freckles all over, and pasty white skin mixed in there....it was inevitable!!! I weighed barely 71lbs when I started HS. I learned early on that humor can mask any hurt, and I have used this my whole life. As I grew older I began to gain confidence, but there is always something. Just last year I hesitated to go on a swimming play date with our toddler. "All the mom's have their PhD's or their Master's. I only have my BS and am currently making $10 bucks an hr!!!" Praise the good Lord I got over myself and not only got into a bathing suit with them, but opened up to them. Great group of ladies, mothers, professionals, but most importantly my friends.
I live in southeast GA and for nearly 10...count them 10 years I didn't wear shorts. I was too pale. I didn't wear flip flops because my feet are REALLY ugly (now my feet ARE really ugly, ask any of my sisters), but I finally accepted and loved my pastiness and ugly feet and have been happy, confident, and comfortable in shorts and flops. Tonight I accepted that I am not going to be fast. I don't want to be fast. I want to finish and be able to enjoy the evening (after a substantial nap) with my family.
Accepting who you are is an indescribable feeling. Loving that person is even bigger. I don't think one truly loves everything about themselves, but man it feels good to let go and accept. When I got home I stretched, and so far my hip feels great. It will be sore tomorrow, but not as sore as it would have been had I run like some one who I am not. My hope and prayer is that my girls, all girls for that matter, learn these lessons at a younger age than I did.
Mid week: 8 miles
Lesson Learned: Strive to be who you want to be, but don't deny who you are.
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